Our recent trip to Ft. Myers, Florida came with an unexpected ending. Alice and I had just finished the long trek from Seoul to Atlanta, Georgia when we boarded a plane for the final leg of our journey to Ft. Myers.
Just behind us a six or seven year old girl was sitting with her mother. And they were chatting- about the plane ride, the party they had just enjoyed, the Christmas celebration coming up and the presents for which they were hoping. The plane ride took about 90 minutes and there was never much of a lull in the conversation.
After landing and reaching the gate, we all stood up, grabbing our bags, getting ready to deplane. Standing in the aisle I heard the mom’s voice behind me: “If you are upset about something, why don’t you just tell me?”
Evidently, another passenger across the aisle was upset with the constant conversation between the mom and her young daughter. The passenger response went something like this: “I’ve been flying over 100,000 miles this year alone and have never heard such continual talking as I have had to put up with today!” By this time, we had begun to move off the plane so I never heard any follow up to the conversation.
However, as Alice and I walked up the jet way, we both commented on the verbal exchange we had just heard- unusual and unneeded.
While walking to pick up our luggage, I reflected on the importance of adult- child conversation. I began to remember the research that shows the many benefits of adult-child conversation: self- esteem, language development, social skills, and cognitive development, along with many others.
I recently read research which reported, “The more words your child hears, the more words they will remember,” and, “Your child’s language will benefit greatly if you listen and chat with him. In the early childhood years, your child is likely to be keen to talk with you, his friends and family members. Singing songs, reading, telling basic jokes and riddles are all important components of language learning.”
An interesting article in “Wikihow” highlighted the importance of a shared focus with your child. The article suggested, “Finding time to spend with your children and a shared focus is very important if you want to help them with their speech, language and social skills. One to one time will benefit your child in the long term.”
The article further advised, “When talking to your child, try to talk about things that are in context or about things your child can see. Talk slowly and put emphasis on the key words. If they are in a sentence, use lots of intonation to help emphasize meaning.”
As I reflected on the way in which the mom was talking with her child, I realized she was following many of these principles and pieces of advice- a wise mother in spite of the lady who felt disturbed.
After picking up the baggage off the belt, I piled our suitcases high upon the trolley. Just as I began to exit baggage pick-up, I spotted the young mom sitting in the waiting area, her eyes quite red because she had been crying. I couldn’t help but go over to her and I said, “I just want to let you know not to be concerned about that fact that you talked so much to your daughter on the flight. You are doing exactly what you should be doing- helping her develop language, her social skills and her self-esteem. Realizing this may all have been a bit intellectual for the situation, I just concluded the best I could- with a big hug of encouragement!
Faithfully Yours,
John Engstrom
Head of School
School Head's Blog 
Thank you for sharing this powerful story – lessons in many dimensions. Our family highly values conversation with our children – asking open ended questions, allowing them to form their own opinions and listening when they are ready to talk. While we don’t always do it right, we strive to keep their minds open through conversation. I remember touring the birth home of Martin Luther King and hearing about his childhood days where, over family meals, his father would lead discussions about world events requiring each child to participate. This is a model we can all follow, regardless of the age of our children.
Kelly,
Thanks for your comment. I know your family is a great example of the way in which intellectual development occurs at home among families. Your sons will benefit from your investment in their lives. Congratulations! Warmly, John
Thank you taking time to draw upon your own recent travel experience to share with us in this New Year. Your article focuses on three main areas: the fragmented process through which cultural practices appear destined to proceed; the ongoing benefit for children to be exposed to directed speech, and fine tuning of the latter – with the addition of language appropriate contexts.
Concerning your first area, many countries and cultures continue to participate in a technology revolution of sorts. With use of portable handphones (to which they are referred in Korea), although providing ease of use and increased dialogue convenience, they appear to be defamiliarizing ourselves from our own existential practices. Within our communities, for example, we choose not to speak to strangers, and prefer to communicate to those we know. Chances are that these latter conversations are easy, a tad fastidious, and predictable. Far from a new idea, class inclusion versus class exclusion has a long history. Returning to the number of electronic exchanges occurring on mass transit systems these days, one can appreciate how earphone usage contributes to decreased personalization; seldom do we ask the time of day from those with earphones, and we do this as a further disconnect to ourselves. T.S. Elliot’s insightful question highlights our new amplified independence by saying: ‘Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?’
Returning to paragraph four of your entry, it is the case that this Scrooge-like fellow, boastful of air travel, is ironically less able to accept the fundamentals of family functioning – as practiced by the seven-year-old girl and her caring mother. Hence, it might be said that the complaining man has yet to complete his travels, as it were. Revisiting lessons provided by Dickens’s Christmas Carol character Scrooge reminds us of the extent to which those may feel less inclined to change in the absence of motivation by the right spirit.