How Children Succeed

 

One of my favorite Christmas gifts was an excellent book from my son-in-law: How Children Succeed, by Paul Tough, published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, in 2012.  Mr. Tough thesis is that our children need two things to succeed in approximately equal amounts: academic skills and strong character.

Mr. Tough examines underperforming high schools in the United States to identify the academic skills needed to be successful, roughly defined as finishing a college program in six years, maintaining a successful career in one’s chosen field, and maintaining mature relationships among friends.

As he examines schools that don’t work, he finds young people living in dysfunctional families living below the poverty line (defined and yearly family incomes below $43,000).  Many of these children deal with stressful environments characterized by malnutrition, substance abuse and violence.

However, even in the midst of such challenges, Mr. Tough identifies several young people who are able to cope with such environments such that they can develop the academic skills they need for success.  These young people are interviewed at some length to help us put a finger on the essence of their success.

We are introduced to Keitha Jones, a seventeen year old high school senior.  Although she had been raised in a very challenging family environment and attended Fenger High School (a school in which fewer than half the ninth-graders were able to graduate), she was able to graduate and attend college at Western Illinois University the following year.

Concerning Keitha’s success in college, Mr. Tough makes four particularly useful suggestions:

1. Character Traits Matter. Mr. Tough writes,  “…science suggests …that the character strengths that matter so much to young people’s success are not innate; they don’t appear in us magically, as a result for good luck or good genes.  And they are not simply a choice.  They are rooted in brain chemistry, and they are molded in measurable and predictable ways, by the environment in the which children grow up.” P. 195-196.  These traits can be nurtured and cultivated using the principles listed below in suggestions 2, 3, and 4. It’s been my experience that these opportunities are available to all our students almost every day.  We must understand their importance in the lives of our students and leverage them whenever possible.

 

1. Adversity is Essential.  Tough writes personally about his child Ellington: “As Ellington grew older, though, I found as countless parents had found before, that they needed something more than love and hugs.  He also needed discipline, rules, limits; someone to say no.  And what he needed more than anything was some child-size adversity, a chance to fall down and get back up on his own, without help.  This was harder for Paula and me- it came less naturally to us than the hugging and comforting – and I know that it is just the beginning of the long struggle we will face, as all parents do, between our urge to provide everything for our child, to protect him from all harm, and our knowledge that if we really want him to succeed, we need to first let him fail.  Or more precisely, we need to help him learn to manage failure.”  About all students the objective is, “… to teach them how to learn from each failure, how to stare at their failures with unblinking honesty, how to confront exactly why they had messed up.  If they could do that…they would do better next time.”  P. 183.

 

1. Non-cognitive Skills Must Be Acquired. Tough writes extensively about the critical nature of non-cognitive skills needed for success in college and life beyond.  By this he means, “…skills like the resilience and resourcefulness and grit (which are) highly predictive of success in college.” P. 168.

 

Other education leaders identify this category of skills as critical components of college success including, “study skills, work habits, time management, help-seeking behavior and social/academic problem-solving skills.  OneGoal founder Jeff Nelson referrers to them as “Leadership Principles,” such as resourcefulness, resilience, ambition, professionalism, and integrity. P. 161-162.

 

Tough’s contention is that these kind of skills can be fostered by teachers who are trained and committed to working with students to help them grow in these areas. Martin Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, believes that optimism is a learnable skill, not an inborn trait.  Seligman writes that optimistic people will become happier, healthier and more successful.  His book, Learned Optimism, has been used in some schools to help develop these non-cognitive skills. P. 53

 

1. Allow for the Possibility of Failure.  Tough’s research led him to school leaders concerned that parents, “…while pushing their children to excel, inadvertently shield them from exactly the kind of experience that can lead to character growth.” P. 84.  One school leader said, “Our kids don’t put up with a lot of suffering.  They don’t have a threshold for it.  They’re protected against quite a bit.  And when they do get uncomfortable, we hear from their parent.”

 

One of the teachers at Riverdale Country Day School (a private school in New York City) said, “Overindulging kids, with the intention of giving them everything and being loving, but at the expense of their character- that’s huge in our population. I think that’s one of the biggest problems we have at Riverdale.”

 

Mr. Tough writes, “This is an issue for all parents, of course, not just affluent ones.  It is a central paradox of contemporary parenting, in fact: we have an acute, almost biological impulse to provide for our children to give them everything they want and need, to protect them from dangers and discomforts both large and small.  And yet we know – on some level, at least- that what kids need more than anything is a little hardship: some challenge, some deprivation that they can overcome, even if just to prove to themselves that they can.”

 

Mr. Randolph, the Head of School at Riverdale realized, “…the best way for a young person to build character is for him to attempt something where there is a real and serious possibility of failure.  In a high-risk endeavor, whether it’s in business or athletics or the arts, you are more likely to experience colossal defeat than in a low-risk one- but you’re also more likely to achieve real and original success. The idea of building grit and building self-control is that you get that through failure.”  P. 85.

 

When I reflect on the importance of these “real-life” situations, such as the laboratories of athletic or academic competition, I am gratified that SFS has invested in these kinds of activities.  We encourage our students to participate, thereby giving them the benefit of character building experiences during their formative years.

 

In addition, our emphasis on the performing arts also gives our students the chance to confront failure and the benefit of building additional character. They realize this real-life challenge every time they go on stage in a musical or dramatic performance.  We recognize the critical nature of these experiences in helping our students learn to deal with failure, and to cope with adversity, vital skills they will need as they meet impending challenges.

 

I certainly recommend Tough’s book for parents of college-bound children. He suggests a great number of common sense recommendations as well as research-based ideas beneficial to help parents and teachers prepare their students for future success.